Entertaining the Monkey King

My friend and I were talking yesterday about how people in our generation, those born around the eighties, have a unique insight into computers. We grew up and aged as computers advanced and became more powerful. We remember the leaps and bounds made by technology through the eighties and nineties on into today. People older than us didn’t jump into computers until the advent of Windows, especially Windows 95 and onward when using a computer became insanely simple. People younger than us have grown up using nothing but the advanced versions of Apple and PC GUI (graphic user interfaces) and no one outside of the computer literate knows how to really dig deep into their systems.

Because of this, I sometimes take for granted my knowledge of computers. Don’t misunderstand me, I’m not a computer programmer or anything on that level. I just understand on a basic level how computers work, how to change out the hardware and how to troubleshoot problems. To me, this kind of knowledge is second nature and I don’t realize how terrifying the inner workings of a computer can be to other people.

My job requires me to use a computer to do my job but I only have to use one program and be able to check my e-mail for that. Other than that, my job is mostly physical muscle work. But when there are problems with computers, I often get tasked with trying to fix the problem or at least figure out what the problem is so that my boss can know whether or not he has to call the computer help desk. I’ve commented before how this makes me feel like a sorcerer among peasants.

So thinking about work and my co-workers the other day, I found it funny that they have problems with something as advanced as Windows 7 or earlier versions when I grew up having to run MS-fucking-DOS.

For those of you who may not be completely familiar with DOS, it was the original operating system for the PC and required you to type in command lines manually in order to find files you were looking for and run programs. My uncle was a computer tech and he would often give us his old computers when he got upgrades. That’s how I learned. He taught me the basics of how to use DOS and I learned on my own with digging around and experimenting. Even when we eventually got upgraded to a computer with the old 3.X version of Windows, I had to use the DOS prompt in order to run some of the old, old, old, old school games I played.

So I was thinking about this when I accidentally put on my Old Man cap. You know, the cap we all put on as we get older when we say “Back in my day, we did XYZ and didn’t have ABC.” Thinking about the problems my co-workers face at work with their computers (and these are guys both younger and older than me) and the complaining they do, I just want to laugh.

You have no idea how good you have it. You have no idea how much of a bitch it was to type out an entire command line and, if you got ONE character wrong, the computer would slap you and so “INCORRECT! DO IT AGAIN!” You might think it as some kind of sadistic machine made to harm a truly masochistic mind but I think of MS-DOS like the Monkey King, sitting on his throne, cackling at your every attempt to solve his puzzles designed by a mind truly unhinged from human thought. You think you have the answer, you present it to him humbly and he slaps you, saying “INCORRECT! IF YOU WANT TO UNDERSTAND MY GREAT WISDOM, RAM YOUR HEAD INTO THAT WALL UNTIL ENLIGHTMENT COMES TO YOU!”

So, in essence, using MS-DOS was like running head first into a wall over and over again for the entertainment of the Monkey King.

Be grateful he is locked away safely from your fragile sanity.