Traveling East and West - Coming to Terms With Being a Bisexual Man

I had my first sexual experience when I was around twelve or thirteen years old. We had spent the evening watching soft core porn on Skinemax, which eventually led to hard cocks and a game of truth or dare. To make a long story short, I got around to daring him to suck me, he did and later we fucked for the first time. Over the years that followed, we would continue having sex off and on, up into high school until he moved away and we lost touch.

There are three things I remember about this whole affair: 1) We were never in love, what we did was all about getting our rocks off with someone we could trust and 2) I never felt ashamed of what we did but eventually I learned that people didn’t think it was right and I had to keep it a secret. 3) Both of us still liked girls, who were simply much pickier about who got to stick things into them.

After my friend left in high school, I just kind of put aside the part of myself that liked boys. I moved on through the years, living my life, making my mistakes and doing what everybody else generally does.

It’s only in the last few years that I’ve started to come to terms with my sexuality and started to accept the fact that my early years weren’t just experimenting and playing around. I am attracted to men as well as women. I enjoy the sight of a handsome, well built man just as much as I enjoy looking at a beautiful, curvaceous woman. Despite coming to accept this about myself, it hasn’t been easy to do so and there are still challenges. I haven’t told friends or co-workers in my life about being bi, mostly because I worry about how they would react.

I don’t think my family would take it well or understand in any way. My friends might be a little more accepting but I honestly don’t think I could reveal this type of thing to them without them going “That explains so much!” Those words are really not something I care to hear and I have the distinct impression that they already suspect I may be gay. Also, working in a refinery like I do, I’m always around men who talk about getting laid, “smashing pussy” (real words, I’m not making that up) and who generally make jokes about guys who fuck guys. I work with one woman who is a gay but she’s so butch she might as well be one of the guys herself. And she’s a lesbian, so that makes it “ok” in the eyes of the people I work with. If you don’t think there’s a double standard for gay/bisexual men vs gay/bisexual women, spend some time working in the industrial sector.

Still, it isn’t all bad. I’m a private person and I don’t feel like I need to come out of the closet to people. Maybe that makes me weird among other people who struggle to come out and find acceptance, but I just don’t feel the need to put myself out there right now. Having met people online who are willing to talk to me and accept me for who I am has made it easier. I think my close friends, who are more like family to me, would be able to accept me but I’m just not ready to open up to them like that.

Until then, I hope to spend the next ten years of my life continuing to explore my sexuality, discovering new and perverted things about myself and generally making plenty of memories that are of things that I enjoy. Most of all, I hope to not have to forget who I really am or the things that I’ve enjoyed all my life and that I can continue to be true to myself.

Or some other hippie bullshit. Whatever. Just bring on the cock and pussy in equal amounts and I’ll be happy!